Both Middle Fingers Up
People-Pleasing, Boundaries & The Art of Double Flippers.
Let’s talk about people-pleasing. That sneaky little habit that makes you say “yes” when you mean “no,” over-explain when you don’t need to, and push down your own needs until you snap.
For me, snapping looks like double flippers.
Just in case you didn’t know, double flippers = both middle fingers up, usually accompanied by a well-earned F bomb or a sarcastic sendoff. This is my family’s way of describing what happens when I’ve been entirely too nice for entirely too long and can’t take it anymore.
About 3 years ago, it happened in a crosswalk. My husband and I were walking towards Peet’s Coffee at the top of Solano Avenue in Berkley, CA when a car came flying through, nearly hitting us. And without even thinking, I whipped out the double flippers and yelled “HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!” in the most sarcastic tone I could muster. The driver—who, I swear, had the bright red cauliflower nose of a man who’d been hitting the eggnog a little too hard—just glared at me, confirming his a-hole-ness. But the people around me? They looked stunned for a split second… and then, slowly, smiles broke out. A few even nodded in agreement, as if to say, Yeah, that guy totally deserved it.
Meanwhile, I stood there, my hands still mid-air, suddenly aware that I had, in fact, just gone full Double Flippers in public.
And while these moments happen way less than they used to (maturity, personal growth, all that good stuff), every now and then, the build-up sneaks past my self-restraint. Because no matter how much work I do, some lessons just keep circling back for another round.
My family tells this story and breaks in to hysterical laughter. I, on the other hand, am not so pleased with hitting my breaking point.
It was a moment. And in hindsight, it was a perfect example of what happens when we push down our needs, overextend ourselves, and don’t speak up until it’s too late.
Because people-pleasing always comes with a cost.
It makes you resentful.
It drains your energy.
And eventually, it makes you scream at a stranger in traffic.
So, here’s your permission slip: You get to opt out.
Unfollow the social media accounts that drain you.
Unsubscribe from emails (yes, even mine) if they don’t serve you.
Set boundaries before you reach your double flippers limit.
And while we’re at it, be kind. To small business owners putting themselves out there. To baristas who deal with nonsense all day. To people showing up in ways you don’t even see. Because being a decent human is free, and it makes the world a better place.
And honestly? Nobody wants to see my double flippers in action. Or do they?
Eva